16th Jan 1948 - 1st Mar 2023
Mum leaves her husband John; Children Natalie & Frank; Daughter-in-law Lisa; Grandchildren Josh, Lola & Joey; her sister Joanne; nieces and nephews Carlos, Liz, Robert & Jeffrey; as well as many extended family & friends in UK & Spain.
Early Life
Mum was born “Barbara Anne Metcalfe” on 16th January 1948 in Croydon’s Mayday hospital. She was named after Barbara Anne Scott, a famous Canadian figure skater who won Olympic gold that same year.
She was the first daughter of Leonard Alexander & Helen Metcalfe. Her sister Joanne arrived in 1964, by which time, she was 16 years old.
Mum was brought home from the hospital to Merebank Lane in Waddon, where she spent her first two years before travelling with her Mum & Dad to Nigeria. They then came back to Croydon before the family migrated to Canada when she was 5. There, she lived in Windsor, Ontario for a time, before her Dad found steady work at the Nickel Mine in Sudbury. And it was the house at 1075 St Anthony Street where she lived until she finished school.
As a junior, she went to Prince Edward Public school in Windsor, before attending Pinecrest Public School in Hanmer & then from year 9 she went to Chelmsford Valley District School.
Mum used to talk to us of trekking through the snow to and from school for hours on end and how it was nearly 2 hours each way. We used to roll our eyes, always putting that down to a bit of exaggeration, a variation of the “when I was younger, I lived in a shoebox” type story to remind us how good we have it now…
But writing this eulogy, I checked. It’s true. According to the map, it’s a five hour walk, or a 1 and half hour bus into town and back out with a walk at either end. Anyone who’s experienced the cold winters in Canada or seen what people call local in that huge country, will appreciate this would be no mean feat for a young 13 year old. It’s a testament to Mum’s stoicism in the face of a challenge that she managed this every day. She found a resilience and fortitude at an early age that stayed with her for life.
Adult Life
Nursing
After school, Mum left Sudbury to strike out on her own, taking a call operator job in Toronto. She quickly realised this wasn’t her vocation. In 1968, she flew back to England to enrol as a student nurse at Queen Mary's Hospital for Children in Carshalton. Her initial placement had her working with children with severe learning disabilities, but she later specialised in adult mental health.
Mum had been a ward sister at Banstead Psychiatric Hospital for a number of years, but its impending closure in the early eighties acted as a catalyst for her. She took the opportunity to study for her community psychiatric qualifications. By the time Banstead Hospital had closed its doors in 1986, Mum was offered her first role as a community psychiatric nurse in the Gordon Hospital in Victoria.
So eager was she to succeed at this 1st new role, she decided that she would learn to ride a moped as a means to make her rounds of patients in the city. Mum would have found this terrifying! I can remember visiting the motorbike showroom, and later Dad driving a 50cc moped to the training centre so that Mum could try some lessons on it. Two wheels weren't for her and thankfully, though she was ahead of her time, deliveroo community nursing wasn't a thing in the eighties!
Undaunted, she carried on as this is where she had found her passion - working in community outreach. She had various roles locally with Sutton & Merton Primary Care Trust, before finishing her career as an I grade, Community Psychiatric Nurse Lead for South West London & St Georges NHS trust.
Long after she’d retired, I’d be stopped in the street by people who recognised me as her son to tell me that Mum had made such a positive impact for them in their lives.
Life and Loves
It was at Queen Mary’s in 1970, where Mum first met her life long friend, Pauline. It was also here she first saw the love of her life, an exotic Spaniard by the name of Juan Carlos. Juan or John as he was known in England, or Dad to me and my sister, tells me it was after a football game in January 1972 that they met. The team were drinking beers at the social club to celebrate or commiserate - he can’t remember. His friend Fernando had brought his wife Pauline, and she’d brought her friend, Barbara.
Barbara & John clicked. They shared similar interests, values and a sense of humour; Mum tended to be sensitive, emotional, but at the same time spontaneous & carefree, very happy to live in the moment. Dad was always more pragmatic, reserved & patient. He liked to think about the pros and cons of a decision carefully. Often Mum convinced Dad to take a leap, often Dad persuaded Mum to wait until the time was right. They loved and respected each other immensely and so this I think, made them a great combination. They always chose each other. A yin and yang that brought them through the highs and lows of a relationship that lasted over 50 years.
Mum & Dad travelled back to Canada to get married on 4th January 1974 in St Patrick’s Church, Hanmer. It was a small ceremony and the reception took place in the basement of Barbara’s childhood family home.
Natalie was born a year later on 15th Mar 1975. Dad tells me Mum was very keen to go back to Canada to be near family and so with Natalie, Mum flew ahead to set up home in Sudbury whilst Dad packed up their life in the UK. It was when Dad got off the plane in Canada 6 months later that Mum revealed she missed London and the life they’d had. When Mum found out she was pregnant again it seems they had a decision to make, and they chose to go back to the UK in time for me to arrive in the world.
As the years went by, they made Carshalton & Sutton their home. With a couple of moves from the Banstead Hospital accommodation, to the family house on Banstead Road South, to their final home in Sutton.
Mum loved an adventure. In our early years, they bought a VW campervan and used it to drive to Spain with four kids in tow. Mum could find adventure in anything, whether it was packing a lunch for a ten minute drive down the road, or a long road trip across the continent. In later years, they bought a house in Spain which had been a lifelong dream. They spent many trips renovating it and using it as a base to explore Spain. They loved fly drive holidays to Australia and America and they visited many other corners of the world too.
Mum could always see the funny side of life. Dad tells of a time early in their relationship, where she was meeting his childhood friend Manolo for the first time. It was probably a situation in which she needed some Dutch courage. The three sherries she’d drunk gave her that, but Dad said what he didn’t expect was the rendition of La Cucaracha as they walked home through the back streets of Madrid! A couple of years later when she was in labour with me, a 10lbs baby, again Mum found her sense of humour. As Dad excused himself from the birthing suite, the halls of St Helier hospital vibrated to the sound of Mum singing La
Cucaracha once more!
Mum had a number of achievements she was proud of: Besides her family and work, she met Diana twice, once with Charles in 1986 and again at the Royal Marsden for an opening ceremony. She also played Danny in a comedy version of Grease for a work Christmas Party.
Mum loved Christmas. You could be anywhere in the world doing anything at any other time of the year, but if you weren’t around on Christmas Day, you’d have committed the worst sin there was! Mum lit up at Christmas, whether it was Christmas markets, Ice Skating, the snow, the lights, the midnight carol services, the parties she’d help put on for patients, she loved it. The spirit of Christmas chimed perfectly with who she was.
Whether to put others at ease or in the face of adversity, she had a way of calming a situation. There was nothing in life that was so bad, that a cup of tea wouldn’t help! She was always ready to listen to anyone, and offer a perspective that was grounded and real. Mum would give that time for anyone.
When Mum was given the worst news back in 2011, that she had a prognosis any one of us would dread, she showed us that you could still live a worthy life, you could still smile & laugh. In 2018, despite being confused and finding communication difficult, she held on to those closest to her and put her trust in Dad, Natalie & Josh to take her to Australia for my wedding. She shed a tear that day, she danced and laughed hard. Whilst in those final years, she didn’t always understand exactly what was happening, she never forgot those things that made her happy. Mum always led by example, and right to the end, Mum
showed us all dignity and grace.
Bye Mum, thank you for everything.